I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
