this beer tastes like vomit already
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
