He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
