there's paper in my vomit.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
