me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How's work?
Spinning.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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