Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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