I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
