At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
