ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
