It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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