how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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