My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
