I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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