There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
