how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
