the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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