I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize