i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
