I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
