yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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