my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
