cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
