I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
