Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
