I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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