OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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