I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
