Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
