too bad you live with your parents still
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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