I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize