At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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