Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
