the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
