You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
