I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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