Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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