i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
