I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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