The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
