I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
