we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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