God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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