So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
