Got a toothbrush?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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