oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
