Hey man sorry I got all grabby
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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