wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
