just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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