So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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