Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
