You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
