And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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