Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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