Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
