my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
