How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
