I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
