tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize