I just made out with a guy for $7.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He? As in you personified your dick?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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