There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
