today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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