saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
