I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
