He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
