He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I deserve this hangover.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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