So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
