the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
