its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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