I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
