You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
