I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
