Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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