Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
