Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
