God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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