last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
