Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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