I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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