margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
