it was like his penis was on wheels.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
