Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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