It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When did angry sex become our thing?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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