He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
