I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
