A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
