She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
