On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize