sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
