drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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