I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
