I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize