Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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