i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
