He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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