she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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