I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How's work?
Spinning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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