This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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