I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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