ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
