he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
