The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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