I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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