the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize