My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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