i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
