she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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