I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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