I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
