is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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