also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
