I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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