im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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