She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
