I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
