Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
