he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
